We were well into our roadtrip when my brother called and urged me to take the next plane to Germany. Our father was diagnosed with lung cancer, he was facing a high risk operation and chances were slim he´d survive the next week. It was the beginning of March, we left Chicago a week earlier, and were exploring the southwestern corner of the US. The Corona pandemic was about to become just that, a pandemic which moved faster across the country than we anticipated when we decided to go ahead with our trip. We briefly discussed and decided that I fly as soon as possible, and that the rest of the family would continue the circular trip back to Chicago. The catch was that I had not taken my German passport with me. We are US Residents and have our US driving licenses/IDs, so normally we don´t need our passports. But under these circumstances there was no fast way to Germany, I had to get to Chicago first, pick up my passport, only then could I aim for an international flight. Heading to Phoenix, catching a flight to Chicago, spending the night and heading towards Europe the next day, cost me two days but eventually I was on my way.

I landed in Munich to switch planes to my final destination Cologne and I had time to kill, so I stretched my legs around the terminal with all the shops and restaurants. Almost all passengers coming from abroad, especially from Asia wore masks. Almost none of the locals, including airport officials and  catering trade folks wore masks. Germans, including me on that morning, arrogantly regarded mask wearers as neurotics with an exaggerated attitude. But before one knew it the pandemic arrived in the awareness of the general public, soon most people started wearing masks.

My brother picked me up and we headed straight to the hospital. Our dad had been operated earlier and to the astonishment of the doctors he seemed to be recuperating well and at a much quicker pace than anticipated. He was transferred out of the ICU after only a day and now lay amongst other regular patients with thorax issues. Euphoria waned when he had a relapse and had to return to the ICU. But finally he was back on track and left the hospital after only a little more than a week. Hmm. Was he checked out because doctors considered him to be a miraculous recovery case, or was it the sudden and hectic implementation for the worst-case-scenario-Corona-prep? Well, obviously the latter as we soon heard in the news.

In retrospect it really seems like a miracle that he survived the hospital phase. The first half of his hospital stay was under regular conditions, visitors came and went without masks, patients rooms and hallways were full of people. It was only in the second half when Corona rules and regulations were strictly applied. Interesting and scandalous fact of 21st century Germany on the side: shockingly the (patients!) smokers corner is at the front entrance of the hospital. Everybody is forced through a stinking cloud of nicotine before entering, and of course also when leaving the hospital. It briefly made me wonder about our mentality.

Then came the part when the true drama unfolded. I stayed at my parents place and had to deal with my mother while my dad was hospitalized. My mom has dementia and suffers from severe persecutional mania, in her mind everyone is a potential thug who wants to toss all torments from hell at her feet. Good for outsiders to know: my mom is deaf. Has been ever since she survived a heavy case of pneumonia at one and a half. Her deafness has formed and chiselled her character, she was always on the watch and lookout for the ones mocking and ridiculing her. Marrying a regular hearing man and giving birth to regular hearing children somewhat took the edge off the handicap, but she always watched out for those who might have ill intentions. At times she built up frustrations which boiled over and then the spillover would hit the family. My brother and I got used to it and over the years we developed mechanisms for handling situations caused by a mother who was slightly different from most other mothers. This in turn defined our characters and may explain at least some of my own strange personal habits. But that´s a different story.

So here I was nesting and slowly transforming from prodigal son to before mentioned thug. Not only did she suspect me of trying to get rid of her as soon as she turned her back on me, but I actually did think of a way to get her the proper care I thought she needed - this included looking for an according nursing home. At this point it was not clear when or if our dad would leave the hospital, every scenario had to be considered. I made appointments and had a look at some options, got in touch with home care nursing services and together with my brother applied for the extra nursing care funds at the health insurance. And I have to say, even though I was a bit overwhelmed in the beginning, the system worked and in the end everything properly fell into place.

Sometimes my brother was there to look after her when I was gone organizing stuff (which is what he did before I came anyway), and sometimes I would leave her alone hoping she´d still be there when I returned. Not that she would wander away and never find her way back, she´s not at that stage yet. But I was worried that she´d see her fabricated grocery list in the kitchen and go to the supermarket buying stuff that was already in the fridge and shelves - and that she´d not think about Corona and go off and not understand why people were only let in the supermarket one at a time, or why there were marks on the floor in front of the cashier, and that way get herself into a panicking or confused state where she wouldn´t be understood in more than one way. Also, she set her mind to visiting the grave of her parents. She didn´t want me to drive her, she insisted on walking a six kilometer roundtrip along roads by herself. In order not to let her leave the flat, I started arguing with her, in the course of which she forgot about her plan altogether. I had to use the arguing trick quiet frequently as she set her mind on some idea or other about twice daily. At 81 she has the stamina of a 40 year old and it has to be worn off somehow. She could be convinced to go for joint walks, which I would extend into marches through the nearby forests and fields, trying to break her energy which she would otherwise channel into unthought of ideas, making daily life even more complicated.

Corona was the one thing I´d avoid thinking about, because at that time there were no masks available, I was running around between the hospital, different doctors offices, pharmacies and the real grocery shopping on a daily basis. There was potential for infection everywhere. 

When my dad came home from the hospital I had to deal with his medical infrastructure, which included his medication, helping him change clothes, shower and taking care of the op wounds. And the Corona scare was real: an infection carried into the home would´ve been deadly for him. After a short while he was able to support himself. His presence put my mom at ease a little bit, but now I was worried that she´d suck up his gained strength through her dementia related self-centeredness and her rough approaches toward all around her. She is not able to grasp the situation my dad is in; she knows he´s sick, but she keeps confusing his lung cancer with a back ache he had some time ago and thinks of either as an equally no-big-deal to have.

In the days before I flew back to Chicago I had conversations with my dad about how to deal with the situation. My brother lives close-by and helps out a lot, two of my mothers siblings take care of some daily chores also, but it´s not a long term solution. I proposed they move into a nursing home, as opposed to the home nursing service that in the meantime comes by once a week. To my surprise both of my parents agreed that it would be neccessary at some point. But not just yet. They have somehow arranged their new life together and somehow my dad keeps recuperating. He gained the strength to get himself to his doctors and chemo therapies, climbing two flights of stairs, and he even started to take walks by himself (my mother claiming she can´t walk due to her "back and leg pains").

After my flight was canceled a couple of times, I wondered if I´d get back to Chicago at all. Regular passenger traffic almost came to a complete standstill and I always had to check wether my next designated flight would take place or not. At the end of March I was finally on my way back and after arriving in the US, started my self imposed two week quarantine in which I took the opportunity to throw all tensions and stress overboard.

The hospital my father just spent a little more than a week in

The serenity of the village my parents live in felt unreal during Corona times

My mother peeking around the corner during one of our walks

An old grave marker or tombstone let into a wall 

         On our walks we passed by the Jewish

         cemetery of the village

I always liked this house with its hipped roof and nice proportions

The local manor house

The flight back - almost empty

to be continued...

It´s the mask, stupid!